Loving you Losing Something
by Hasselhoff
Summary: Complete:: Abby falls into a coma, leaving Carter to look after their five kids. Sequel to 9 months losing something. Losing Something Journals now up.
1. Prologue

Authors Note- So everyone take a deep breath I just wanted to let you all know that Abby is still in the story and still a main Character regardless what happens to her, please don't get mad because I've had this story planned out in my head for a while and everything works out, I don't want to say anymore because I don't want to give anything away. Just keep reading. I really wanted to show Carter as a single parent, I wanted everyone to see how the children act with out there mother and how they change and stuff...Just please keep reading! Oh I chose the names thanks to the voting! Thanks everyone who voted it was fun to other peoples input and I will be holding more of those hopefully so keep your eyes open for them!   
  
Prologue   
  
"L-o-g-a-n R-u-t-g-e-r-s W-y-c-e-n-z-k-i C-a-r-t-e-r and J-e-r-e-m-y G-u-y W-y-c-e-n-z-k-i C-a-r-t-e-r" I spelt to the school principal. Jeremy, Logan the triplets and I sat in the off white coloured office, at the local school. We had moved so a change in schools was expected. The boys sat shyly bundled up in their winter gear and nervously awaiting their first days at school. It is January now, 3 months after the triplets were born. Logan and Jeremy seem to have gotten bigger, Logan's hair is still curly as ever and Jeremy has gotten a bit taller, he might even be the same size as Logan, he was always the shorter twin. The triplets sat in the stroller, they have gotten bigger, they know something wrong they can sense it. "So, their birthdays are?" The slightly heavy female principal asked bringing me out of my thoughts. "Uh- both April 29th. 2004," I replied. They were now in preschool. This school apparently had a very good program they would attend school from 9-11 everyday, I hired a nanny, Kelly. She is taking the day of today though I can't really blame her for that. I have been off work and plan on going back when the triplets are 6 months old. "Okay, well that will be all. Follow me please." She said strictly. Logan looked up at me and then got out of the chair and followed her, I pushed the triplets through the dusty halls, when we finally arrived at the class room Logan and Jeremy stopped and the principal went in to inform the teacher she was getting two new students.   
  
"Hey guys are you ready?" I asked bending down to their level.   
  
"Daddy, I don't want to go." Jeremy said placing his head on my shoulder.  
  
"Me neither." Logan whined.  
  
"Well, I'll be back to get you before you know it." I said getting up still holding Jeremy.   
  
The class room door opened and out came a women who looked to be in her early 30's with light brown hair, about chin length. She smiled pleasantly at us. "Dr. Carter this is Ms. Whitehorn, she is the preschool teacher." I shook the ladies hand with my free hand.  
  
"Hi." She said politely.   
  
"This is..." The principal started trying to introduce Jeremy and Logan but didn't seem to know their names. "Oh, this little guy here is Jeremy." I said pointing to the boy in my arms, "And this is Logan." Logan smiled shyly.   
  
"Well, I better be going." The principal said turning on her heels.   
  
"Uh- oh and you have three more." The teacher noticed.  
  
"They're triplets." Logan explained.  
  
"Really?" Ms. Whitehorn said bending down to his eye level.  
  
"Yes." Logan nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"What are their names."   
  
"Well, this one here." Logan said pointing to the baseball hat and the baggy sweater that was on my son "Is Mason" He pulled at the little boys foot, and laughed. Mason stirred a bit but remained asleep. "The next is my baby sister Alexis...We call her Lexie though." He continued. Ms. Whitehorn got up and looked at Jeremy, Jeremy stared back,  
  
"Can you tell me the your other siblings name?" She asked him. Jeremy shook his head yes. "Zachary." He croaked out.   
  
"Those are beautiful names." She admired.   
  
"Daddy picked them out. We helped though." Jeremy told her.  
  
"Hey Logan why don't you and Jeremy, go play with the other kids, I want to talk to Mrs. Whitehorn okay?" They nodded.  
  
I put Jeremy down next to Logan. "Okay guys have good day okay?" They nodded and then hugged and kissed me, leaving me and the teacher alone. I was about to start when Mason began to cry. "Oh one minute," I excused my self, picking him up and calming him down. "Uh- The principal briefly informed me on your fiances condition." I smiled at that she was my fiance, and I loved her being called that. "Yeah,"   
  
"She's Logan's and Jeremy's mother?" She asked.  
  
"Yes, uh there were some complications with the triplets birth and-" I struggled telling the story "she went into a coma and has been in a coma for three month." I said morosely.  
  
"I'm sorry." She sympathized. I smiled tightly at her.  
  
"Anyways." I cleared my throat. "Uh- Logan, and Jeremy have different ways with dealing with it. Logan will act violent at times, sometimes it will come with out warning he will just lash out. Jeremy on the other hand will be shy, and close him self off like you just saw." I laughed quietly trying to make my self feel better. "Okay, well we will do our best to spend a little extra time with them, since your hands must be full with 5 children. Do you have any help?" She asked quietly. I shifted Mason in my arms.  
  
"Yes, a nanny helps me during the day, she has today off though. I also have a child of a friend of mine, who comes over for a couple hours after his school is out each day and plays with Jeremy and Logan. I have other friends who take them some nights." I tried to explain. "So they don't get much time with you?" She pushed. What did this lady expect, I have to look after five kids on my own, 3 of which are newborns and need constant care, I tried my best. "Well when the triplets are napping I do my best to spend time with them. I have hired a maid who starts next Monday so I'll have more time starting then!" I was getting a little flustered and just wanted to leave. "I better get going, the babies, need to eat. Nice meeting you." I said placing Mason back in the stroller and making my way out to the car.   
  
I knew my life was hard right now but it was hard on all of us. I knew my children depended on me To take care of them I have never had a baby before, well never had   
  
to take care of my children when they were babies and three at one time is very hard although it is much easier then it was a few months ago when this all started. I now had help, and with the maid coming we would have dinner cooked for us, and our house cleaned, maybe I could spend more time with my boys. I strapped the babies in the van and then got in. I hated having to name them by myself, I wished Abby could have done it with me. Mason is the oldest of the three and the 3rd in the family, his full name being Mason Blake Wycenzki Carter. He had the big cheeks and dirty blonde hair, with green eyes. Zachary Christian Wycenzki Carter, came out next. He is very cute, with big brown eyes, darker then Jeremy's and dark brown hair. My baby girl Alexis Abigail Zoe Wycenzki Carter, is the sweetest, she has curly red hair. With deep blue eyes. I had to get Susan to help me shop for baby clothes, well girl clothes especially. Its been tough but we're pulling it off. All the babies sleep in the same room for now, and Logan and Jeremy share a room also, they use to have nightmares, Jeremy has started to pee the bed, it has been a rough hall, but we pull it off. Abby is now at the house, she has home care and is well taken care of. The boys visit her a least once a day, if not twice or three times. Logan has memorized the three little pigs and reads it to her everyday, I still make them tell her all about their days, that way they will still feel close to their mother when she wakes up. I know she will. I take the triplets in Abby's room everyday also, I will read to them, or play with them just so they can be near her, they have to know she loves them, and that they have a mother and a father not just a father. 


	2. making it by

Authors Note- THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!!! Just wanted to say a BIG thanks to anyone whose reviewed any of my stories thanks so much. Okay here is the first chapter, I think it is a little weird and not really a romance chapter because Abby is in the coma but you will get to learn about the family and how they are making out so just take a read and if you don't like it I'm sorry and if you do that's awesome but please review either way.   
  
Chapter One-   
  
----------------------------  
  
The only thing standing   
  
between me and total   
  
happiness is reality.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Three years, today. I miss her so much. I knew comas could last a long time, but I thought by now she would be awake. Each day I would go into her room and pray that, that day would be the day that she would wake up. 3 years later, I have given up all hope. She's not waking up. She never will. I love her though, I haven't found anyone new and I don't think I ever will. I know having her in the next room is hard on the kids, Logan and Jeremy are six, and Mason, Zac, and Lexie are 3. They know that their mother is sick. They don't understand really, Logan and Jeremy on the other hand understand more and more each day. They're in grade one and love it, although they still have some problems, but I think we have all come to terms with the life we now have. Logan is probably the wildest out of the two, he has gotten into the most trouble, although he is learning to cope with his mothers state, it seems to have affected him, and he still throws tantrums. He is down in the principals office at least once a month. He punched another child in the face, giving him a black eye. The boy was about 9 years old and started picking on Jeremy about his mother being dead and making fun of him, Jeremy cried and Logan stood up for him. Jeremy is still quiet but he has come out of his shell a little more and has some fun, both boys have friends and are relatively happy. They still spend time in their moms room talking to her. The triplets on the other hand have no clue what's going on. They are happy and carefree just like three year olds should be. Mason reminds me a lot of his mother he is stubborn and sarcastic, and can be harsh, and tough to read. He has a soft sensitive side too. Zachary, is cute and loud, he is smart and has a good head on his shoulders. Alexis is her daddy's little girl, the baby of the family and the only girl she gets protected by everyone, and I'm sure when she gets older and starts to date she will definitely have a lot to deal with. She's sensitive, compassionate and funny. "Daddy." Lexie says bringing me out of my thoughts. "I won't ice cream." I smile at her. Her hair is short and red, she has big chubby cheeks, and smiles a lot. "No." I say simply.  
  
"Why not?" She pouts, just like her mother does.  
  
"Because we are having dinner soon." I bend down and pick her up. We are at the park, and the boys are playing on the slide. "Whee." Mason screeches.   
  
"Come on guys we are going home." I hear a chorus of moans come out of all 5 of their mouths. "Lets go." I motion, still holding onto Lexie. Mason and Zachary run up ahead with Jeremy at their heels, Logan walked gloomily beside Lexie and I. "What's wrong Logan?" I asked looking down at him.  
  
"Nothing." He sighed.   
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
"Yeah, I'm just tired." He continued  
  
"Hey, you boys slow down." They stopped looked at me and erupted into fits of laughter.   
  
"Okay DADDY!" Mason hollered. I loved these kids and the time we spent together.   
  
------------------------  
  
I can resist anything   
  
but temptation ------------------------  
  
"You know what?" Jeremy questioned munching on a carrot.  
  
"What?"   
  
"I don't have homework." He said hopping up onto the stool that stood at our divider area in the kitchen.   
  
"You have reading though." I informed him.   
  
"Yeah, I know daddy." He said rolling his eyes.  
  
"Where are your brothers and sister?" I asked, throwing the potatoes into the oven.  
  
"Um- Logan is playing video games, Zachary, is playing Lego, Mason is watching TV, and Lexie is with mommy." Jeremy told me.   
  
"Okay well, I want you and Logan to get the milk and pour five glasses of milk." He nodded and climbed onto the stool to get the milk glasses.   
  
"Logan, go help your brother with the milk." I said flicking the television off. I walked through the house, seeing Zachary playing with the lego, he saw me and started to clean it up. I didn't usually cook dinner but tonight our cook/cleaning lady Sophie was off so I stepped in. "Zac, dinner is ready go get the silver ware out get Logan to help you count." He ran off to help. I saw Mason whiz by me he obviously knew he had a chore to do. I stepped into Abby's room seeing Lexie sprawled out beside Abby sleeping, I sat beside her on the double bed and brushed her loose hair away from her face. "Lexie, time for dinner." She stirred a bit. "Lex, Dinner baby." Her eyes fluttered open.   
  
"Daddy," She started looking up at me. "Yeah Lexie?" I asked. "Mommy, squeezed my hand." I laughed, Abby hadn't moved really in 3 years. "Lex, don't joke about that."   
  
"I'm not daddy, I was lying here holding her hand." She said holding up there intwined hands. "And she went like this." Lexie demonstrated squeezing my knee. This was good, but I didn't know what to believe, so I picked Lexie up and tried to get her out of the room before my chicken dinner burnt. "Lexie go of mommy's hand." I ordered her. "I am trying." I had Lexie's bottom half in my arms, she was hanging in the air. I put Lexie down and went over to Abby and tried to ease her daughter out of her grip. She was holding on tightly. Lexie just watched me, she seemed to like that her mother was holding on to her, after all in three years her mother hadn't made any physical contact with her. I kept trying when I heard the phone ring. I heard Logan answer it, but he seemed to be telling the person that I wasn't home, I bolted down the stairs and saw Logan about to hang up when I ripped the phone out of his hand. "Hello." I said out of breath.  
  
"Dr. Carter?" The voice asked on the other end.  
  
"Yes." I said eyeing a guilty looking Logan.   
  
"This is Mr. Donor, Logan's teacher." I nodded knowing exactly who he was.   
  
"I would like you to come in for a parent/teacher interview tomorrow if you could."  
  
"Yeah, I think I can do that." I answered.  
  
"Good around 10?"   
  
"Yes. Can you just tell me what Logan did?" I questioned.   
  
"Well Logan is quite violent and we think it might be best if he were enrolled in our Special Ed. Behavioural program, for children with behaviour problems."  
  
"Oh I see."  
  
"Well I'll let you go, thank you." I hung up the phone and stared at Logan.   
  
"Jeremy, go get your sister, Mason and Zac go wash up for dinner, you and Lexie do the same too Jer." I instructed. "Behaviour program Logan?" I asked angrily.  
  
"I didn't do anything!" He said arms stretched out feigning innocence's.   
  
"Don't give me that Logan. You don't get put in a program for kids with behaviour problems without doing something." He looking sadly towards the floor.  
  
"Dad, these kids they keep picking on Jeremy." He said in defence.  
  
"How come I never hear about these kids from Jeremy then?"   
  
"You did, that kid I punched." He said now getting angry.  
  
"That's one Logan. That doesn't excuse everything else." I hollered.  
  
"Dad, its true ask him." I saw Jeremy come down the stairs just when I needed him too.  
  
"Logan, go wash your hands." When those two were together you could never get the truth out of either one of them. "Are kids picking on you Jeremy?" He looked at the floor also kicking his feet around. "Sometimes." He said just above a whisper.   
  
"Then why don't you tell me, instead of your brother beating them up."  
  
"Because, you have enough problems, you don't want me." He said tears coming to his eyes. "What." I bent down to his level and put my hands on his arms.  
  
"Its not like it use to be when mom was alive..."  
  
"She still is." I interrupted.   
  
"Well that's not what the kids say, they tease me because I'm quiet." I hug him, and figure the only option I have is private school and therapy for Logan, that way they get a fresh start, Jeremy, should probably talk to someone too. I should have them started talking to someone sooner.   
  
--------------------  
  
Around here, we   
  
put the FUN in   
  
dysFUNctional  
  
--------------------  
  
"So, what your saying is that Jeremy gets picked on Logan sticks up for him and Logan gets into trouble." I paraphrased.   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Okay, well I think I came up for a solution, Logan and Jeremy will stay here until Christmas and I think I am going to enrol them in private school" I told him.  
  
"I think that would be best neither one have had a good time at this school." The teacher said tapping his pencil on the desk surface.   
  
"Maybe they should talk to someone about their mother's condition."  
  
"Yeah, I have an appointment for them to talk to someone at the hospital at 11." He nodded realizing I'd be taking my sons out of class early.   
  
"Well thank you for coming in to meet with me, Dr. Carter." I nodded and shook the extended hand. I walked out of the class room seeing Logan and Jeremy lined up against the wall with their back packs on. "Lets blow this popstand." Logan said. Jeremy laughed at this, I took each of their hands and we walked over to the car as my cell phone went off. "John?" The voice asked,  
  
"Kelly."   
  
"Yeah, I am dropping the triplets off at the daycare at the hospital, my mother was in a serious accident and they took her to Mercy, we're at the hospital now, I've got to go." With that the frantic voice hung up.   
  
"Too the hospital boys." I said getting in the van.   
  
We walked into the ER and glanced around, I saw Susan and she waved us over.  
  
"Hey, go the lounge." With that she left. That was peculiar, I walked intot he lounge, Jeremy and Logan in front of me. "DADDY!" Zachary shrieked once we got into the lounge. I saw my three, three year olds, with Alex and Pratt. "What happened to taking them to daycare?" I said worried.   
  
"Oh we said we'd take care of them til you got here." Pratt said standing up. "Well my breaks over."  
  
"Thanks Alex." I said sitting next to him at the table. "No problem." He smiled at me. He wasn't a bad kid at least I didn't think so.   
  
"Well, troops we better be heading out, We have to go up stairs." The kids ran ahead of me out the door. I followed laughing. We got out into the admit area when Frank called me over.  
  
"Carter your nanny's on the phone."   
  
"Again, I have my kids." I sighed,  
  
"Abby nanny." he informed me. "They say something's happened."   
  
---------------------------  
  
I used to have a handle   
  
on life, then it broke.  
  
--------------------------- 


	3. changes

Authors Note- Here we are finding out the truth... I want to shout out to everyone who has reviewed thanks a bunch to all of you, I'm going to try to give a special shout out to all of you at the end of the fic, because I really take what you guys say to heart, and look forward to your input. THANKS!!!   
  
Chapter two   
  
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Your my one dream forever........ I'll hate you never In my heart wherever and I pray I'll be loved by u forever   
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
"Dr. Carter, I'm so glad your home." Carrie, our home care nurse said as I rushed into the house. I looked around frantically, "The doctor is in with her, she has woken up." Carrie exclaimed excitedly, she was a short plump women with frizzy blond hair, quite nice a little bubbly but a bit of piazza never hurt anyone. "REALLY?" My eyes widen, then I suddenly realized that she missed three whole years of her children's precious lives. She missed the beginning of her triplets lives and the first days of school for her twins, I was now nervous, and scared for all of us. "Where are the children Dr. Carter?" Carrie asked bringing me out of my thoughts. "UH- They're at the hospital daycare." I said in a dazed manner. "I- I need- need to see her." I was stuttering now, and anxious.   
  
"Yes, go." She said pointing in the direction of the room, that I knew so well.  
  
I started by putting one foot in front of the other and nervously made my way towards the white door, I turned the metal knob taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I opened the door and saw Abby lying in bed, as the doctor spoke to her, she seemed to be responding, she looked up when she saw me come in. "J- John." She croaked, her eyes glistened. "Dr. Carter." I shook the elderly mans hand and made my way to Abby. "I have called for an ambulance, we are going to taker her into the hospital to make sure she is okay." The Dr. told me, all I could focus on though was Abby, lying in bed her skin pale, and her eyes sunken in. She looked beautiful though. I walked over to her bed and sat down, staring at her, she looked back, watching my every move intently. "I'll go and let you two be alone." He said leaving. Neither of us broke the hold we had on each other. "I- I missed you." I said breaking the silence. A tear trickled down her soft cheek "I-" She started but stopped mid sentence. "Are- you- you okay?" I asked shakily. She nodded her eyes still glistening with tears. "I love you." I said bringing her hand to my face and kissing her palm. She nodded again, I knew I couldn't expect much from her so soon. "Where are the kids?" She asked as the tears flooded down her cheeks, and dampened her straight hair. "They- They're at the hospital." I said trying not to cry myself.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Daycare, they- I got the message, and I - uh didn't want - I didn't want to get their hopes up, we've spent three years, wishing and praying that you'd wake up." I said wiping my face with my spare hand. The door to the room opened, and the paramedics walked in.   
  
--------------------------  
  
keep the pictures they   
  
never change only the   
  
people in them do   
  
--------------------------  
  
"Jer, Logan, Zac, Mason, Lexie, lets go." I said walking into the daycare.  
  
"Where are we going?" Zac asked, throwing his jacket on.   
  
"To see mommy." They all continued with what they were doing, seeing nothing weird or different about this statement. We walked out of the daycare, I had Lexie's hand in my right hand and Zac's in my left. Logan lead the way walking confidently ahead of all of us. Mason tried to catch up with Logan, Logan looked down at Mason and awkwardly picked him up walking to the elevator with him in his arms. Jeremy walked sluggishly behind us.  
  
"Ding." Logan chimed as the elevator made its way to down to us. We all walked in, Jeremy still looking tired, Logan now holding mason's hand, "Where's mommy?" Zac asked, as the elevator stopped at our floor. "Lets go guys." I said pushing Lexie and Zac towards the hall. We all walked out and quietly went towards Abby's door. "Ab-i-gail Wycenzki" Logan read pointing at the words on Abby's clipboard.   
  
"Lets go guy." I said pushing them in the room.  
  
"Mommy." Logan shrieked running towards her bed.   
  
"Logan." She said crying, as Logan ran towards Abby, jumping onto her bed with a broad smile. Logan and Abby hugged tightly, tears trickled down Abby's face. I pulled the triplets into the hospital room. Logan began talking to Abby, "Hey Logan, jump off the bed I want mommy, to see the rest of the kids." I said picking Logan up and holding him like I use to when he was younger. "Jeremy, where are you buddy?" I said scanning the room for the brown eyed boy with a blue baseball cap on and a Chicago Bulls t-shirt. He walked towards the bed quietly. "Hey mom." He smiled shyly. "I missed you he continued. Jumping on the bed to give her a hug. "I missed you too baby." Abby said crying.   
  
Jeremy pulled away and held his moms hand. I set Logan on the chair by the bed and looked down at the faces behind me grabbing Lexie first. "My baby girl." Abby cried, Lexie watched as Abby cried. "Hi mommy, I love you. I'm 3." She said holding out her fingers. "Yeah." She asked as I put the red headed girl into her arms. Abby held her tightly crying softly still. Abby looked at me, and I realized something Abby didn't know her own children's names "Alexis Abigail Zoe Wycenzki Carter," I told Abby, Lexie sat up and smiled. I'm named after you!" She exclaimed. Abby brushed the stray red hairs away from Lexie face. "Lexie, why don't you let your brothers see your mommy." She nodded hoping off the bed and sitting on Logan's lap. "I'm next" Zac shouted. He climbed on the bed smiling his big smile. "I'm Zac- Actually my WHOLE NAME is Zachary Christian Wycenzki Carter." Zachary said wrapping his tongue around the Wycenzki. "I'm the one who came out next, I'm the second youngest." He smiled.  
  
"I'm the middle child in the family." Mason said jumping up and down.  
  
"I'm Mason, Mason Blake and I have the same last name as everyone else, I'm not saying them." He said in an exhausted voice.   
  
------------------------------  
  
As part of you has grown   
  
in me, together forever   
  
shall we be, never apart   
  
maybe in distance but   
  
not in heart.   
  
-------------------------------  
  
"Ham,"   
  
"Ham?" Logan said rolling his eyes at me.  
  
"YES!" I said  
  
"Dad, I don't want ham."  
  
"Well you're getting it."   
  
"Aw dad." He whined.  
  
"Hey mom." Jeremy said from the breakfast table as Abby walked into the room.  
  
"Hey Jer," She answered back making her way over to the table.  
  
"Mom, can you tell dad I don't want ham." Logan begged.  
  
"Logan eat the ham." Abby sat down at the table in the seat beside Lexie who was having trouble cutting her toast, Abby reached over and helped her out, I smiled watching this, I knew the transition would be hard for Abby, well all of us really we'd do our best though.  
  
"It's 8:15, your bus is going to be here boys." Logan stuffed his lunch into his bag and ran to get his red Ecko sweater. Throwing his jacket over his shoulders and running towards the door. "Jeremy go." I said motioning to the boy. He threw his toast down and grabbed his jacket also. They both ran back giving me a hug, then running to their mother doing the same. "Bye, kids." Jeremy said waving to us as he left. Abby looked at me getting up from the table and walking over to me. "So, um"   
  
"Uh- the triplets, go to school at 9." I said washing off Logan's dish.  
  
"Oh." Was all she said. It had been 4 days since she woke up. We hadn't really talked she spent most of her time with the kids, and avoided me at night, she would watch television in her room, or talk to Susan on the phone. I thought we were suppose to be engaged, I don't know if she has noticed the ring on her finger that I placed there a day after I proposed. She walked away from me and joined Lexie who was playing with her Barbie's on the carpet.   
  
--------------------------  
  
love is like a book......  
  
if you tear a page,   
  
you rip the heart...  
  
and have to pay   
  
for both!   
  
-------------------------- 


	4. you can't make me

Authors Note- Chapter Three, alright guys here is the third chapter and I have written from another characters Point of View, I'll let you read and figure out which one. I have another question for you guys to give me some input on what you want...So as usual just scroll down to the bottom of the page and the question should be there. I also plan to pick the story up a little... Abby's coma is just the a part of what this family will have to deal with. Not all bad things though. Just keep reading to figure it out.   
  
Chapter Three  
  
"Neater printing," My teacher said as he walked by my desk. I rubbed the words off the paper and tried again. I hated school, I beg dad every day to not make me go but he says it will make me smarter. I don't believe him. I'm smart enough. I see a piece of paper being pushed in front of my face. I look over to see Carl the boy who sits next to me throwing the paper in my face. I open it and read it.   
  
Logan   
  
Will you be my bofrnd   
  
yes or no  
  
Charly.   
  
Ew, I don't like her. I can't be seen with this note from her. Girls are gross, dad tells me I won't think so when I'm older but I don't believe him. I put my pencil down and walk to the garbage can to throw out my note just as the bell rings, I think twice and shove the note into my pocket running to get my back pack. "Jeremy, Logan, Your not taking the bus home your mom is coming to get you." Our teacher announced.   
  
"YES!" Jeremy celebrated. I kicked the ground then pushed the desk into the wall.   
  
"Logan, stop it now, get your stuff and go meet your mom at the front of the school." Our teacher told me. I grabbed my jacket and put my black snow hat on walking out the door ahead of Jeremy. "Jeremy hurry." I shouted at him. He ran out and stood next to me.  
  
"Mommy is coming." he said as we walked through the hall.  
  
"I don't care." I grumbled. Jeremy just kept walking in silence, I was mad at mom for sleeping all those years, I am happy she's awake, but why did she leave us? I missed her, and we got picked on and Jeremy was sad, and Daddy he would cry at night when he thought no one could hear. He would go into her room and cry and beg her to wake up but she never would. She would just keep sleeping like the rest of us didn't matter.   
  
We made it to the front of the school and Jeremy pushed the door open, the harsh winds hitting us in the face, I winced, then I saw Mommy waiting for us, she didn't have the triplets with her, they must be with Kelly. "Hey mom." Jeremy said running towards her and hugging her tightly. "Hey baby, come here." She said picking him up just like she use to when we were little and then way she would rub our hair out of our faces, and kiss us on the head. She hasn't done that in three years. A real mom would have. "Hey Logan." She says trying to put her hand on my shoulder. I flinch knocking it away. I don't want her hand near me. I see her frown, she takes Jeremy's hand and we start to walk. Jeremy starts telling mom about gym class and how he got to be it in tag and he caught the fastest kid in the class Benji Mullen. Mom said she was proud of him and that we could stop and get a chocolate bar if we wanted. Jeremy piped up that he wanted a chocolate bar. I don't want chocolate, daddy can give me chocolate, at least he doesn't leave us.   
  
---------------------------------  
  
We talk all the time. I think   
  
we understand each other in   
  
a way that most people can't   
  
understand either of us."   
  
---------------------------------  
  
"How was school?"  
  
"As bad as always."  
  
"Logan..."  
  
"I guess it was okay."  
  
"Why don't you like school?"  
  
"The kids are stupid."  
  
"Yeah, well your dad told me your going to a new school soon, you think you could try to like that school?"   
  
I shrug my shoulders not wanting to go to any school. "I guess."  
  
"Yeah, well I also think your smart."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You know?" He laughs.  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"How?"  
  
"My dad, he says I'm smart besides I get perfect on everything."  
  
"Everything?" He questions.  
  
"Yeah, like spelling tests and stuff. I'm the best speller in the class."  
  
"So you are a pro speller."  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Hard words?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Okay. Logan why don't you tell me how you feel about your mom."  
  
"I think she is my mom."   
  
"Logan..."  
  
"Why do you always have to do that?" I questioned, bringing my eyes from the floor onto his face.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Say Loooooooogan." I imitate.  
  
"I'm sorry." He apologizes, I don't even care. "How do you feel about your mom."   
  
"I don't know. I'm mad."  
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"Yes." I nod.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Cause she left us, to sleep for a long time."  
  
"Logan, your mother was in a coma. She couldn't wake up, no matter how much she wanted to and trust me she wanted to. She loves you and your brothers and sister."  
  
I just stare at him. I don't like it here but dad told me it would be best if I talked to someone other then him, he calls him a doctor but Uncle Eric calls them shrinks. That's what I heard Luka call them once too. Jeremy goes to the shrink too. Not at the same time though. "I know. I don't think she loves daddy though." I say wiping my face.  
  
"Yeah? Does this upset you?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Well I'm going to talk to your mommy and see if maybe next week she wants to talk with us too okay."   
  
"Okay." I hop out of the chair and open the big door, there is dad standing there in his work clothes waiting for me. "Hey Logan how was it?" He asks as I struggle to zip up my coat. "He wants mommy to come next week." I say making a face that he does not approve of.  
  
"Logan," He says kneeling down and zipping up my jacket. "Mommy has been awake for 2 weeks and you have barely talked to her since the first couple of days. She misses you. She's sad with out you."  
  
"Your sad with out her." I say placing my hand on his shoulder. I look behind me too see the doctor or shrink whatever you want to call him standing over us and watching daddy and I talking. He wraps his arm around my back and picks me up. "Hi." The shrink says to dad. "I was wondering if next week maybe Logan's mom and even yourself if you wouldn't mind could all come in for a session. I think it would be in his best interest." I lean my head on dad's shoulder and he looks down at me, I can tell he doesn't want to do this. "Uh- yeah sure." He says anyways.   
  
"Okay thanks Dr. Carter." They shake hands and daddy carries me out in one arm and has my back pack in the other. "You were giving mom a hard time picking you up from school, on Tuesday." Dad says as we walk into the elevator.  
  
"Its Friday now that's in the past." I say leaning on him.   
  
"Okay Logan." He doesn't want to talk about this now, he just feels upset with me. I love him though. "I love you daddy." I tell him. He kisses my forehead, still carrying me.   
  
--------------------------------  
  
Good judgement comes   
  
from experience.   
  
Sometimes, experience   
  
comes from bad judgement  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Authors Note- From which Characters point of view should I write about next?  
  
Options- Carter, Abby, Mason, Zachary, Lexie, Luka, Susan, Jeremy, Logan, the nurse Carrie or the Nanny Kelly. 


	5. figuring it all out

Authors Note: Hey guys sorry for the wait. I have chapter four up, and I would just like to say a big THANKS to everyone who has reviewed and stuck by me. I had a few people who did not like the direction the story was taking, and I am not sure if they are still reading. But if they are I will tell you why I made Abby's coma three years long. I wanted to show how the children, grew and changed and how not having their mother with them for a long period of time impacted them negatively. I also wanted to jump ahead a few years, so I could show the children getting older. The next few chapters are going to be pretty much Carby angst, for all the people out there who like angst. Check out authors note at the bottom.   
  
Thank You- I owe a lot of people thanks, so here's a few... If you do not see your name here, don't fret your name will definitely be up soon. Here's to all the people who reviewed my story once, I don't know if you still read it but thanks too.. 'Bec, Ficfan1, Slammin Sammy, Carby 24/7, ShatteredDreamz1, Jconeg, Athletic charmed one, Honey bear 1, Prue Halliwell- Trudeau, No1-Carby-fan, Carter John 1, Jo7, Lemon Jelly, Abby Lockhart, Sweet Kittie, Carbyluva, Lupylu1! Thanks to all of you for your reviews :)   
  
Chapter Four  
  
-----------------------------  
  
If you don't know where   
  
your going, any road will   
  
take you there  
  
-----------------------------  
  
"Ouch." I say as I trip over a toy truck left on the carpet by one of the boys. "What's wrong?" Zac asks me looking up from the television. "Nothing baby, I just tripped over a truck." I answer sitting down rubbing my injured foot.   
  
"Oh...I think that's Logan's." He says popping a cheerio into his mouth and turning back to blues clues. That would make sense, Logan seems to hate me lately. Or at least out to get me. I just don't know how to deal with him. Carter made an appointment for the three of us to see his therapist today. I can do that for my son, I don't like talking to shrinks but I'd do anything for my son, including this. "Come on Zac we are going to preschool now." I say picking the boy up off the ground and walking towards the front door with him. He groans not wanting to leave, Carter walks out with Lexie in his right hand, and her back pack in his left. "Where's Mason?" I ask.  
  
He shrugs setting Lexie down on the couch. "He's hiding." Zac informs me.  
  
"Hiding?" I question. Carter brings his fingers up to his lips to shush me. I look at him a little puzzled as he crouches around the house lifting pillows up and looking under the couch. I get Alexis and Zachary ready to leave wrapping them in their jackets and pulling hats on their heads. "There you are you little monster." Carter says grabbing Mason out of the kitchen cabinet and tickling the shrieking boy. "Time for school." He announces pulling on Mason's jacket and zipping it up while still holding on to him tightly.   
  
"You found me Daddy!" Mason laughs. Carter grins at him, then places him up right on the floor. "Lets go troops." He say pointing towards the door.   
  
The kids line up at the door at start to march. It is cute, I guess he has to have routine   
  
to getting these kids out of the house on time everyday.  
  
"Want to take the EL?" He asks carefully, as though I might jump down his throat if he speaks to loud or forcefully. "Sure." I say grabbing onto Zachary's hand.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*Never give up if u still want to try* *Never wipe your tears if u still want to cry* *Never settle for the answer if u still want to know* *Never say u don't like him if u can't let him go*   
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
I fidget nervously in my seat as the three of us wait for the psychiatrist to come in. We are all seated on the couch, Logan situated in between Carter and I. He stares blankly ahead, taking in his familiar surroundings. I look down at him, his blonde hair starting to curl, from the length. I reach over and push a strand back. As he slowly looks up at me, with a soft stare, not his usual cold hard glare. I take his hand and place it in mine, as I smile reassuringly at him, I know he does not need to be reassures, but right now I do.   
  
Logan swiftly turns his head to face his father. He smile broadly at him, then reaches over and plays with the buttons on his suit. Carter works about 20 minutes after the appointment, so hopefully everything will go well, so I can take Logan back to school and he won't want to kill me. I hear a noise at the door and my attention immediately goes there. A man walks in, he looks to be about 45, he smiles at all three of us and then takes a seat across from us. "So..." He starts "How's everything Logan?"   
  
"Its okay." He answers, slowly pulling his hand away from mine, this disappoints me, he is still holding onto his fathers jacket. "Well your mommy and daddy have come in today so we can all talk." The man says with a smile.  
  
"I know." Logan responds.  
  
"Well Logan, why don't you tell them why you wanted them to come in."   
  
"mommy doesn't love daddy." He mumbles. The heavy psychiatrist looks at me, and I frown, Carter on the other hand keeps his sights set on Logan's, sad face. "Okay, go on Logan, why do you think this?" The man pushes.  
  
"Because, she slept, and when daddy would ask her to wake up she would keep sleeping." He mopes. "Okay, keep going. The only way we can make this better is if you talk about it."   
  
"And, she never wants to talk to daddy, now that she is awake. She always walks away from him when he tries to talk to her. Daddy told me he loves her, but how can he love someone who doesn't love him?" Logan asks bringing his eyes up to look at the shrink.  
  
The man nods and then Carter starts to speak. "Logan, mommy, and daddy have things we have to get through, but this doesn't mean we love you any less." His response makes me wonder. I have been keeping my distance from Carter lately and I am not sure why. I don't know if I love him anymore. "I know, but I don't want to move again. I don't want you guys to fight." He says, wiping his face with his hand.  
  
"Logan..." I start. "When I was asleep, you and daddy, and Jer, Zac, Lexie, and Mason, kept living without me. You all have your own lives, and now I am just trying to become a part of them again. Your daddy and I will work things out." I assure.  
  
"But how if you never talk to him." The boy makes a good point.  
  
"I- I promise I will talk to your father about things." I will too, just for my son, and the sake of our relationship. Logan nods.   
  
"Well, Logan I think I want to talk to mommy and daddy okay?" The Doctor says.  
  
"Okay." Logan says smiling a bit. "I love you mommy. He says wrapping his arms around my neck. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you all those years sweetie." I say caressing his back softly. Logan walks out into the children's play area, whilst the Doctor keeps his gaze on the pair of us. We are still situated a cushion apart.  
  
"I think you two need to work out your problems, before your children can be truly hapy." The doctor lectures. "I think you need to start now, because a 6 year olds happiness lies within your hands. Not to mention 4 other kids, that you have brought into this world, under weird circumstances. I can schedule an appointment for you." The doctor offers.  
  
I look at Carter and single this is not an idea I would like to pursue. "Um- no thanks." Carter answers. The shrink gets up and leaves, leaving us by ourselves. "He's right you know." Carter say breaking the silence.  
  
"Who? about what?"  
  
"Logan, things are different... You don't love me do you?" Carter presses.  
  
"John-" I say softly.  
  
"Don't even bother Abby, I don't know why I did, I should have known it was the pregnancy talking when we got back together anyways. It wasn't you. You never loved me. You probably never will." He tells me furiously. His eyes are full of rage, yet a hurt look is on his face. His eyes shining from unshed tears. I watch him go, and look down twisting the ring on my finger. Feeling, hurt, pain and love all in one for the first time in three years. Maybe I do love him. I don't know.   
  
-------------------------------  
  
you cant kill something   
  
that doesn't want to die   
  
-------------------------------  
  
Authors Note- From which Characters point of view should I write about next?  
  
Options- Carter, Abby, Mason, Zachary, Lexie, Luka, Susan, Jeremy, Logan, the nurse Carrie or the Nanny Kelly. 


	6. finding things out

Authors Note: Okay this chapter is a little angst filled, especially near the end, have a read! I'll thank more people in the next chapter, this is just a quick update, but thanks to everyone who have reviewed thank you, please don't hesitate to review again!   
  
Chapter 5  
  
----------------------  
  
If love is fun, why   
  
aren't you smiling?  
  
----------------------  
  
"Daddy, can you buy me a pony?" Lexie grinned at me.  
  
"Noooooo." I smiled back.  
  
"Why not?" She dragged on.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?" I put my newspaper down and stared at my daughter.   
  
"I said so." I got up and moved to the kitchen, looking in the cupboards for the cookies.   
  
I found the box and saw the little girls eyes light up. "Cookies." She exclaimed, I knew this would make her forget about the pony. "Cookies before dinner?" Abby tsks, walking into the kitchen. I quickly hide the box behind my back as both of us feign innocence. "What cookies?" Alexis smiles.  
  
"I don't know maybe I was seeing things." Abby say mischievously. I quickly grab Alexis and we run towards the living room, Alexis screeching the whole way. We jump onto the couch immediately diving into the cookies, they are the mini cookies, so Lexie attempts to shove three in her mouth at once. I manage to get five in mine. We are laughing and eating when a little voice disturbs us. "What are you doing?" Both of look over to see Logan in the doorway with a mischievous look on his face. Lexie puts her fingers over her mouth and I motion for him to come in. He runs over to us, jumping on my lap and starts eating cookies too. "HEY!" We hear an angry voice shout. Logan and Alexis shriek, and try to hide the cookies. "Mommy is here." Lexie turns and whispers to me.   
  
"We aren't eating cookies." Logan says through a mouthful of cookies.   
  
"Dinner is in half an hour all three of you better eat everything off of your plates." She scolds. She walks into the living room and takes the cookies from us, a chorus of "Aw," was heard. "Go get cleaned up guys." I Say to them, "Logan help Lexie reach the sink ." I finish. "Is it always like this?" Abby smiles, as she pops a cookie into her mouth.   
  
"Sometimes," I tell her.  
  
"There great kids, you did a good job." Abby compliments.  
  
"I learned from the best." We lock eyes for a moment and suddenly I can feel all the sparks that were there 3 years ago, but it doesn't last for long when Zachary comes running into the living room. "Mommy, I have to pee." He says switching from one foot to the other. "Okay." She says leaving. Zac is the last of the three to have potty trained, he is pretty much trained but he still feels he needs an adult from time to time.   
  
--------------------------------------  
  
You do not love someone under   
  
the condition that this person   
  
would love you back  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
Its been 3 weeks since Abby woke, and we're all starting to get use to it a bit more. Logan isn't quite as hostile towards her, and well as for Abby and I, we haven't worked out any of our problems yet, well not a lot of them at least, but I love her. I can't help but love her. I don't know if she feels the same way or not. I plan to find out though. I walk into the kitchen, and see a mud covered boy trying to sneak up the stairs. "Hey, Hey. Where do you think you are going?" He turns around and looks at me, smiling sheepishly. Through the mud I see some blood trickling down from his nose. "Get down here." I demand. He slowly walks down the stairs, trekking more mud onto the kitchen floor, which I know will tick Abby off. He is literally covered from head to toe in mud. I pick him up and place him on the counter, removing his big sweater and teacher. I look at him and frown. "What happened Jer?"   
  
He shrugs. I run my heads through his muddy hair that is sticking up on all ends. "You don't know?" I question.   
  
"Yes." He says. I tug off his pants leaving him in his underwear and motion towards the stairs, he jumps off the counter and runs. I grab his muddy clothes and take them into the laundry room, hoping nothing to terrible happened to him, but knowing that a 6 year old coming home covered in mud and blood is probably not a good sign. I walk up the stairs, and into his bedroom. He is grabbing clothes out of the drawer, when I throw him over my shoulder he is still clinging to his clean clothes, I take him into the washroom, and fill the tub with water. I wash his face, first so I can see where the marks, are, and then leave him to get into the tub, while I go down stairs for a quick moment. I run down the stairs to see where all my children are and look for Logan who can hopefully fill me in on Jeremy's messy state. "Hi." Abby says, stopping me during my search through the living room. "Hi," I say not paying much attention to her. "What are you looking for?"  
  
"My son." I simply say.  
  
"That's kind of broad?" She says searching my face for a clue as to what I am doing.  
  
"The six year old."  
  
"Still broad."  
  
"The blond one." I say hopping up the stairs. She follows behind me, inching on my heels.  
  
"He's in the bathroom." She answers.  
  
"What one?" I say heading towards the main upstairs washroom, and standing in front of the door, Jeremy was in there for a bath, so now I knew something was up. "That one." She said looking up at me. "John, what's going on?" I start to bang on the door.   
  
"Jeremy, Logan open the door and get out here this minute." Abby looks shocked, at my behaviour. The door creaks open but no one emerges from behind it. This prompts Abby to push the door open even further. There stands Logan who is shoving make up into his mothers make up bag, and Jeremy throwing a sweater on and some jeans. "Hey stop right there." Abby says walking in. I am the one to follow this time. "Get out of this bathroom right now, Logan Rutgers." She says tossing him out by the arm. Jeremy looks up at her with lipstick smeared all over his face. "Jeremy." She says picking him up and putting him on the toilet seat. "What happened?" She asks soothingly.   
  
"The big kids beat him up again." Logan replies.  
  
"Again?" Abby says looking up at me. "Jeremy wash your face, your father and I are going to have a talk." She say leaving the bathroom, I follow slowly.   
  
"Logan go watch TV," She calls as I close the door behind myself, we stand in my bedroom, and let me say this women is fuming. "How long has this been going on Carter?" She says above a whisper.  
  
"I don't know since the beginning of grade one." I answer, arms stretched out.  
  
"You kept my son in the same school while kids were beating up on him."  
  
"He had never really been hit before, okay I thought it was improving."  
  
"Oh so he had never been hit? He is being teased and has low self esteem and will grow up to be incompetent and self conscious but yah know as long as know one is beating him up its all fine." She Yells sarcastically.  
  
"Usually nothing happens, Logan gets him out of it." I inform her, I can feel the veins popping out of my neck.  
  
"Oh really, so we are having our other six year old involved in this?"   
  
"Abby, listen, they are being transferred to a private school, in less then a month. After, December they will be in a new school. I am enrolling him in karate classes anyways, to help him build self esteem."   
  
"I don't care Carter, I can't believe you let it go on this long."  
  
"What do expect me to do Abby, I have to take care of 5 kids by myself." I holler in defence. "That's no excuse Carter."   
  
"Yeah, where the hell were you?" I scream. The minute the words leave my mouth I regret them. I can see her eyes swell with tears, she stands staring at me then walks away, I am about to go after her when I realize, I don't want to say anything else that is stupid so I should just leave it for now.   
  
---------------------------  
  
Sometimes you lose,   
  
but you're going to   
  
win if you just hang in  
  
---------------------------  
  
Authors Note- From which Characters point of view should I write about next?  
  
Options- Carter, Abby, Mason, Zachary, Lexie, Luka, Susan, Jeremy, Logan, the nurse Carrie or the Nanny Kelly. 


	7. tragic

Chapter 6  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Last night I hugged my pillow and   
  
dreamt of you. I wish that someday   
  
I'd dream bout my pillow and I'd be   
  
hugging you.   
  
------------------------------------------  
  
"Come on Logan put your hat on."   
  
"Mom, can I just stay home with you today?" He says sticking his bottom lip out.  
  
"No sweetie, you have to go to school and learn." I answer walking over to him and zipping his coat up.  
  
"Tomorrow we go to our new school right?" Jeremy asked stuffing his books in his back pack.  
  
"Yes. We are going to go take a look at the new school." I respond, while I button the triplets up to take them out into the fierce cold. I have to take the kids to school today, usually the bus picks them up at 7:45, but we had a very late night last night and managed to sleep through the alarm clock. Carter was still at work, he worked the night shift and would be home any minute. "Okay guys, its 8:05, we have 25 minutes to get Logan and Jeremy to school." I pick up Mason's back pack and put it on his back, throwing my coat over my shoulders and grabbing my purse. I open the door and there stands Carter, looking shocked. "Are you guys just heading out now?" He asks puzzled.  
  
"We slept through the alarm." Jeremy answers, putting his hat on his head.  
  
"Oh, I can drive them if you want." He tries to get me to look him in the eye, but his out of his bloody mind if he thinks that is going to happen.   
  
"No, I am capable of taking my kids to school thanks." I snap, pushing by him and ushering the kids out. "BYE DADDY!" Alexis says, running to him and wrapping her arms around his leg. I bite my bottom lip, I loathe this man and everything he stands for right now. "Let's go Lexie." She runs up and grabs my hand. Jeremy high fives his dad on the way out, Carter laughs and leans down planting a kiss on his forehead. "See yah later pal." Jeremy grins. Logan runs to catch up with Jeremy so they can race, to the corner of the street but not before giving Carter a running hug. Zachary tries to catch up and join the race, but he is so little he ends up falling down Carter picks him up, brushes him off and sends him out into the world. "Bye Dad!" Mason says, patting his fathers leg and reaching for my hand, before Carter can say anything to me, I shut the door and walk away with MY children. I held on tightly to Mason and Lexies hands, and watch closely as the other three ran ahead. Zachary trying desperately to catch up with his two big brothers. I watched closely, noticing that they were getting a little to far for my liking. "HEY GUYS STOP NOW!" I shout, I don't like them running to close to the street. I know we are on a quiet residental street, and that cars never come by, but I worry as does every parent. Logan stops to catch his breath, his hands placed on his bent knees. Zachary notices this, and since he looks up to Logan he mimics this exact position. Jeremy on the other hand runs until he makes it to the end of the street and we have to cross. I pick the pace up a little bit and the three of us meet up to Logan and Zachary. "Mommy, can we get a muffin on the way to school?" Zachary smiles.  
  
"Maybe, I'll see." He shrugs, walking with Logan, Lexie and Mason argue about their school, books or something along those lines. I lean down to stop their arguing we are only a few feet away from Jeremy now, I hear screeching of tires and suddenly a car whips up onto the sidewalk "JEREMY" I screech. It seems like time has stopped as we watch him fly into the air, and his little body his the grass. I scream, I am frozen I don't know what to do, I see the driver fly off I force my self to look at him to get his licence plate as quickly as possible, I see it, AJDF 6Y9...I look over and see Logan at Jeremy's side calling his name, and people coming out of their houses, I make my way over to my son, and hold his hand, I can hear someone saying they are going to call the police. I feel my eyes blur with tears and I don't know what to do. I suddenly realize that my son is their dying and I am not doing anything to help him. I can see people taking Lexie, Mason and Zac away Logan is screaming and refuses to leave his brothers side. I put my head near his mouth and feel for a pulse on his neck, he has one a faint one, but its there, he is taking short quick breaths, I hear the ambulance and I can only pray he will be okay.   
  
------------------------------------------  
  
*If The Only Possible Way We Can   
  
Be Together Is In My Dreams...  
  
Then I'll Sleep Forever*   
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Authors Note- From which Characters point of view should I write about next?  
  
Options- Carter, Abby, Mason, Zachary, Lexie, Luka, Susan, Jeremy, Logan, the nurse Carrie or the Nanny Kelly. 


	8. hope

Authors Note: Hey all, this is chapter 7, I have some more ideas, that aren't as dramatic as the car accident, or the coma, or the pregnancy lol, but I think we need a little less drama and a little more Carby, and family interactions, and showing them coming together as a family and that is what I plan to do. I have been very busy with school and writing another fic with Abby Lockhart2- author of unknown secrets and hidden lies, amazing story if you are not reading it already go read it guarantee you'll love it. Anyways we are co-writing a story called hate to love and back, go check it out, both stories are Carby. Anyways thanks for reading and here is your chapter 7...  
  
Chapter 7  
  
I sigh as I sit down on the couch and stare blankly at the television. I am flipping through channels, not really wanting to watch television but not wanting to go to bed either. I look at the clock, 8:06, they left exactly one minute ago, maybe I should go and try to catch up with them. On the other hand maybe time apart will make Abby realize she really love me, or not, but I can always hope. The phone suddenly starts to ring, "Hello." I say tiredly.  
  
"Carter, its Luka, we need you at work, Chen called in sick."  
  
"Okay I'll be in as soon as possible." I say jumping off the couch and running to the fornt door. We moved into an area that is about a 10 minute drive from the hospital, so its very nice. I reach my hand over and turn the radio on as I drive, I look at the clock and hope i don't have to work long today, I just want to go home and be with my family. I pull into a spot and rush towards the hospital, hearing sirens behind me. I run through teh automatic doors. "Look whose back." Susan chirps." Get this one." She orders me, I dump my stuff on the admit desk and run out to the ambulance. The doors swing open and out jumps a bloody boy on a stretcher, you can't even tell what the child looks like, hes so badly injured.  
  
"Where the hell are the parents?" Pratt asks.  
  
"The mom, was freaking out, she and her kids went to the police station. They couldn't let  
  
stay with him, she was having a break down." Harms explains. We nod wheeling the boy   
  
into the trauma room. "Name?" I ask Harms as we burst open the trauma room doors.   
  
"Jeremy." I stop hearing the name of my son.   
  
"JEREMY?" I yell at the lifeless body.   
  
"Carter, I'll take it man." Luka says pulling me away from my son. I try to fight him but  
  
can't. I walk towards the admit desk, kicking it furiously. Susan looks at me, and then   
  
places a head on may back which I shrug off. I walk toward the trauma room, and watch   
  
through the window as they do CPR on Jeremy. The screen is a flat line. Suddenly his   
  
heart is beating again. I push through the doors. "Is he brain dead?" I ask as calm as   
  
possible. Luka and Pratt look at me. "No, but its not looking good." Pratt tells me   
  
sympathetically. I push open the doors, and see a tearful Abby and my 4 beautiful children.   
  
Alexis is in Abby's arms, her head resting on Abby's shoulder. Zachary is holding Abby's free hand, Mason is behind them walking slowly. I can see Logan running towards me, anger and confusion across his face. He jumps into my arms, digging his face into my shoulder, I rub his head, shushing him. "What the hell happened?" I holler at her. Susan walks over and grabs a wandering Mason, lifting him into her arms. "He was hit." She chokes out.   
  
"I know that, how the hell did that happen, what did you let him run in the street?" I yell.   
  
"Carter calm down." Luka comes up from behind me placing a hand on my back.   
  
"Calm down, my kid is lying in that room on life support because of her," I screech.  
  
"It wasn't her fault." Luka says calmly. I look at him puzzled. "What?" I ask exasperated.  
  
"The driver was drunk, he was coming home from an all night bash, and ran over the sidewalk, hitting Jeremy, the rest of the kids, and Abby were only a few away." I look down at the boy in my arms, then at Lexie who is on the admit desk with Neela and Gallant. I see Susan stroking Mason's hair, Abby is still holding Zac, on the brink of tears. I realize they all could have been gone too, which rips away at me. I suddenly hate this man and want to kill him. Abby looks about ready to break down on the floor, Luka makes his way over to her and takes Zac. "Lets-" I motion my head towards the trauma room, Abby nods at me, walking towards me, I sling my arm around her waist kissing her forehead. "Okay baby, mommy and I are going to go in and see Jer, I want you to stay out here with Greg k?" I whisper into Logan's hair. Pratt comes up and takes Logan, letting him cry into his shoulder. I take Abby in my arms, and we walk slowly toward the room, we look in through the window. "He's so precious." She cries.  
  
"I know, lets go in." I say pushing her gently, I can feel her hand grip tighter around waist. I take her hand reassuringly. Walking up to Jeremy was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. His body tiny and bloody body. I watch as his eyes flutter open, he can not talk though, he is incubated. "Hey kiddo." I smile painfully as I brush the strands out of his eyes. He blinks slowly. Abby takes his hand in hers, leaning down placing a small kiss on his forehead. "Hey baby, daddy and I are right here with you okay?" He does his best to nod. "We love you." I say rubbing his arm. He blinks again. Not looking at me, just staring at Abby. I run my finger over his tiny cuts on his hand, as Abby has moved to the head of the bed, running her fingers through his hair and kissing him endless times on the forehead. He's face and puffy and badly bruised, but no serious head trauma we're reported. He landed face first into the ground, his body was hurt badly, they are not sure if he is paralysed or not, he is not above the waist though, he is moving his arms a tiny bit.   
  
"Hey," Susan walks into the trauma room, tears on the brims of her eyes. Abby and I smile slightly, as much as we can without bursting into tears. "Uh- Logan, wants to see him." Susan manages to tell us. "I'll go get him." I respond, moving towards the door, I come up behind Abby and wrap my arms around her waist, she leans back on me, as I kiss her face, "He's going to be okay I promise." She intertwines our fingers, as I rub her shoulder, for a moment I can tell we are both relaxed, we take a deep breath and. I leave. She unwillingly lets go of my hand, and Susan hugs her. I can't even believe what happened, it came out of nowhere one minute he was the shy, nice, funny kid and the next he's near death. I rub my forehead, walking towards the admit desk, "Hey." I sigh,   
  
"Hey Carter," Pratt replies.  
  
"Where are-" I struggle, even saying the name Logan, usually we group them together, we just say where are the twins, or the boys, they are attached by the hip. "There, in the lounge, I was just about to go in there with a movie and chips and stuff." He explains morosely. "Thanks." I mumble.   
  
I walk towards the lounge, Gallant and Neela are in there, Zachary is sprawled out on Gallants lap playing with his tie, and Lexie is playing Barbie's with Neela. While Logan is sitting in the chair with Mason on his lap reading him a story. "Logan." I whisper, trying unsuccessfully not to disturb everyone else. He looks up at me, a sad face, his big blue eyes now red due to all the fallen tears. He continues to stare at me waiting for me to say more, Pratt walks in and sees I am having trouble talking about Jeremy, "Logan, go with your dad, I'll finish reading to Mason." He instructs. Logan waits for Pratt to pick Mason off of his lap and walks toward me, extending his hand I take it and we walk together toward the trauma room. I stop him outside the door and lower myself to his level, placing my hands on his hips. "Logan, Jer, is going to have a lot of- uh- a lot of tubes attached to him, and uh-" I try to talk to my son without crying, Logan watches me intently like I have answers to all his questions, I wish I did but I don't. "Uh- he can't talk, but he can hear you, and uh-" I try to finish but Logan interrupts me.   
  
"Is he sleeping like mommy did." This almost makes me cry, but I try to be strong and hold it in. "Uh- no, no he is awake and can see you and touch you, he just can't talk." Logan nods, I stand up and hold onto his hand again, we walk in, seeing Abby sitting by Jeremy's head holding his hand and touching his hair. She turns and looks at us as we enter the room, she moves the chair away from the bed a little so Logan can sit on her lap, and speak with Jeremy, I pull up a chair beside them and grab for Abby's hand, she lets me take it, I rub my thumb up and down her hand. "Hey Jer." He says bringing his face right next to Jeremy's. "Are you okay." Jeremy, closes his eyes and nods. Logan brings his hand to Jeremy's forehead and rubs his hand over his head and face, then smiles. "Your going to be okay." he says happily. I look at Abby, we both are thinking the same thing. 'god we hope Logan is right.' 


	9. Its going to be alright

Authors Note: For all of you who want Carby here is where it all starts please read and review!   
  
Chapter 8  
  
---------------------------  
  
Love starts with a hug,   
  
grows with a kiss, and   
  
ends with a tear!  
  
---------------------------  
  
"MOMMY! MOMMY!!! HELP ME!!! MOMMY" I sat straight up in bed hearing the distraught voice of my son. "MOMMY!" He screeched again. I looked around the dark room, sweating from my restless sleep. I felt Carter's hand on my arm. "I'll get it baby." He said kissing my forehead. He slowly crept out of the room, I could hear the floor boards creaking and rushed out of bed to join him. He turned around staring at me in the poorly lit hallway, he held his hand out and I gratefully accepted it. "MOMMY! DADDY! HELP PLEASE!" We sped up the stairs, and threw open the door to the twins room. Logan tossed and turned in bed, screaming out to us. "Logan, Logan." Carter whispered, grabbing Logan, jolting him back to reality. He looked at us dumbfounded, breathing heavily, "Mommy," he murmurs, on the verge of tears.   
  
"Right here baby." I say reaching, for my son and pulling him into my arms.   
  
"Where's Jer?" He croaks.  
  
"Hospital." Carter answers rubbing Logan's back soothingly.  
  
"Oh- why aren't you with him?"   
  
"Daddy is going in soon, Susan offered to stay with Jer, while mommy and daddy get some sleep." I answered, Carter leaned in and kissed Logan's sweaty head.   
  
"Can you back to sleep?" He asked. Logan shook his head no.   
  
"I want to sleep with you guys." He said pulling on my t shirt. Carter nodded at me and I picked Logan up and the three of us, walked into Carters room. I Laid down on one side of the bed, Carter on the other and Logan in between us both. Logan snuggled up close to me, Carter moved closer so he could get in on the moment. Carter put his arm around Logan's body which reached over and around my waist also. We were all lulled into sleep.  
  
"Ugh." I slammed my fist towards to alarm clock, sitting up in bed. It was 6 clock, I was back to the hospital to spend time with my son. He had been in there for 2 weeks all ready and was slowly recovering. He would live, and would be able to walk. I missed him though, I just wanted a normal life, with a normal family. I looked over at Carter, who had Logan's head resting on his chest, each breathing to their own rhythm. I brushed the hair our of Carters face, leaning down and kissing them both on the cheek. I didn't have to work today, and Carter did, but Nanny Kelly was coming over to watch the kids while I was at the hospital. I haven't spent much time with the other four since the accident. Carter and I ended up falling asleep in his bed last night. I just needed some comforting and so did he, its been a tough last couple of years. I am ready for it to start settling down.   
  
-------------------------------------  
  
Only those who can see the   
  
invisible can do the impossible!  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
"hey guys." I said opening my arms to give Lexie a hug.   
  
"Hey mommy." She replied. I kissed the top of Lexie's head. Letting her sit in my lap leaning her head against my chest. Logan jumped up on to a drowsy Jeremy's bed, giving him mighty beans. "I got these for you." He said opening Jeremy's hand and placing the beans into his palm, closing his fingers around them. Jeremy smiled weakly. "The kids wanted to see you." Kelly said leaning against the frame of the door.  
  
"Thanks for bringing them by." I smile. Zachary climbs up onto the bed with Logan. He always does whatever Logan does. He looks up to him. Mason, opens the door walking out. Kelly smiles at me, and turns around to chase after him. I run my hands through Lexies, red tangled hair, bringing out my brush to brush her knots out. Kelly must not of been able to get her to sit still. "Daddy!" Zachary exclaims, as Carter walks in holding a giggling Mason. "Kelly went to get some coffee. I've got a camera." He says walking over to the bed and placing Mason beside Logan. Logan shimmies his way next to Jeremy lying next to him in bed. Jeremy pulls Lexie out of my arms and I gently place her on his lap. He holds her tightly and protectively. While Logan grabs for Zac placing him on his lap for the picture. I knew this would be a problem when the kids were older. Jeremy, Logan and Zac would be close. They would all protect Lexie, while Mason would not be as close with them. Carter walked over to the bed, pushing the chair next to the bed, Mason sat down on it, legs sprawled out and smiled weakly. Its my picture perfect family. It would be more perfect if my son were well, but I'll take his recovery over nothing.  
  
------------------------------------------  
  
Sticks and stones are hard on bones,  
  
aimed with angry art  
  
words can sting like anything,  
  
but silence breaks the heart...  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
"Hey, I brought you some coffee." I smile up at him thankfully and take the coffee from him sipping on it ever so carefully as not to scold my mouth. "How's he doing?" Carter asks still hovering over me. "Better. He's sleeping finally."   
  
I stand up and walk over to the other side of the bed to adjust the IV tubes, Carter sits down in my seat, I walk back over sitting on his lap, he wraps his arms around me and I feel safe, with him and Jeremy. "He looks better." I start.  
  
"Yeah, he does." I feel Carter's head snuggle in closer to me, I lean my head back. and sigh. I don't know why I ever pushed Carter away. I am still mad at him, for saying certain things to me. But he has just been so great through these last couple of years, raising my 5 beautiful children all by himself. "I love these kids." I say.   
  
"Me too." I position my body so I can look Carter in the eye, and lean down and kiss him, deep, passionate but soft. When we break apart. He looks at me and smiles. "What was that for?" He inquires.  
  
"I have three and a half years to make up for." I giggle. He smiles, at me. I love being here with him, and I have a feeling everything could begin to go right. In all our lives. Logan starts his new school after Christmas which is in one week. Hopefully Jeremy will be home for Christmas. It would be nice to have all of us together, again. "Hey I was thinking." Carter said nervously bringing me out of my thoughts. "I was thinking that maybe we could turn your bedroom into a play room." He was playing with my belt.   
  
"Where would I sleep?" I teased.  
  
"With me." He beamed. I nodded and leaned in for another kiss. 


	10. Welcome Home

Authors Note- Chapter nine, okay I tried to make this happy, but also with a bit more grief over Jeremy, well not really grief but thankfulness that he is okay. Take a read!  
  
Chapter 9  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Sometimes we must get hurt   
  
in order to grow; we must   
  
fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision clear   
  
only after our eyes are washed   
  
away with tears.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
Three weeks! My son has been in the hospital for three weeks and today is the day he is coming home. We are throwing him a welcome home party, nothing much. Just a few of his friends, the neighbour kids. I walk into the hospital room to see Sam, Alex and Colby visiting with Jer. "Hey guys." I announce my presence, then walk up to Jer, placing a big kiss on his forehead. Alex is fiddling around with the medical supplies set out on the tray as Sam struggles with Colby and tries to get Alex to put the scalpel down. I walk over to Sam and take Colby from her. He has dark brown hair, with big brown eyes. His little face is lit up by his big smile, that comes with dimples. He is Sam's second son, and Luka's third child. I set him down next to Jer, and then play together. Colby often plays with the triplets, not Lexie so much as the boys. Logan and Jeremy and Alex seem to believe that Lexis and Colby will get married one day though.   
  
I look over at Jeremy a faint smile lighting up his somewhat pale face. His dark brown hair is so long that it is falling into his eyes, he brushes it out and continues to play with a rambunctious Colby. He hasn't had a hair cut in about 2 months, we were actually planning on taking all the kids to get their hair cut the day the accident happened. But I'd rather not think about that. "Hey Jer I brought some clothes for you." I say reaching into my duffel bag and pulling out the clothes his mother packed the night before. She said he had to look nice, but be comfortable at the same time for all the company we were having over. I said we should keep him in his pyjama's but Abby would have not of that. He had a bath the night before, now all that needed to be done was cut that hair, that would have to wait till tomorrow unless... "Hey Jer, is that hair getting in your way?" I inquired.  
  
"Yeah!" He whined. I walked over to the cupboard and found the electric razor they keep for purposes I'd rather not mention. I got a clean razor and plugged the contraption into the wall, all the while Sam giving me a weird look. "You want me to shave it?" I enticed Jer. "Yeah!" He shrieked with joy. He sat up straight and Sam looked nervously at me. "Hey can you pass me that towel Sam?"   
  
"NO WAY! I am not getting involved in the Carter, Abby is going to kill you." She was probably right, but Alex would get involved he tossed me the towel, getting a dirty look from his mother as a reward for his participation in this event. I took the razor and started to shave his head, strand by strand fell into his lap. Sam cringed, Colby laughed and Jeremy gasped with happiness. I laughed, and put the razor down, looking at a shaved Jeremy, "go get dressed Jer." I laughed. I handed him the bag which contained his baggy gap khakis and a nice blue long sleeve sweatshirt. He probably would have preferred a hoodie though, but what is a dad to do? I picked him up and carried him to the washroom standing by the door waiting for him. "We're going to take off." Sam said getting up.  
  
"See yah little man." Alex called to Jeremy.  
  
"Bye Alex!" Jer hollered. "Bye Colby."   
  
-----------------------------  
  
Sometimes you lose, but   
  
you're going to win if you   
  
just hang in  
  
------------------------------  
  
"SURPRISE!" I wheeled Jer into the house a big shock look on his face, there were many people there. Susan, Luka, Sam, Chuck, Chen, Pratt, Gallant, Neela, even Weaver and Sandy came to welcome the little boy home. Eric and Maggie and my dad also attended. Logan bounced over to us with a big smile on his face and wrapped his arms around his twin brother. When he pulled away he looked a Jeremy. "Jer...Where's your hair?" He asked puzzled. "Daddy shaved it off!" Jeremy beamed.  
  
"Daddy did what?" Abby asked mortified.  
  
"He wanted to get a hair cut, and besides I think he looks cute." I smile at her, she is not very pleased but lets it go for the sake of her son. After all it is just hair. It will grow back. Eric walks over to us and extends his hand to me, I graciously take it. His hair is curly and out of control, I am seeing where Logan got his from. "UNCLE ERIC!" Jeremy shouts.   
  
"Jeremy!" Eric says leaning down to pick up the boy. He hold him in his arms and walks up to the guest with him. Logan follows excitedly. "So...Everything went okay at the hospital?" Abby asks as we follow.  
  
"Yeah, we had a nice time. He visited with Sam, Alex and Colby."  
  
"You cut his hair?"   
  
"Yeah...It will grow back."  
  
"I know. I don't care." She smiles up at me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "I am so glad he is home." She puts her head on my chest.   
  
"Where are the triplets?" I scan the room looking for my three wild ones.   
  
"Alexis is with Kelly, the other two are with Colby."   
  
"Awesome!" I smile broadly, so glad that my family is somewhat back to normal.  
  
"Eric hit on Kelly." Abby laughs.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Oh yeah." I love having just these kind of conversations with her, they mean so much to me. I am happiest when I am around my family. All 5 kids, and my girlfriend. Wow life is crazy, I just hope we have jumped threw as many hoops and everything will just go back to normal.   
  
------------------------------  
  
You do not love someone   
  
under the condition that   
  
this person would love   
  
you back  
  
------------------------------- 


	11. Epilogue

Authors Note- Well its been a bumpy but fun ride. I've really enjoyed writing this fic...but it is over. I finished it up and I would just like to thank everyone who has read it and everyone who has reviewed it. It meant the world to me. THANKS! I am going to write journal entries from all the 7 characters Point of Views, so I guess this is not the end, but the story is over, the journal entries will be set in the future. That's all I'm going to say about that! Thanks for reading!   
  
Epilogue...   
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*Never give up if u still want to try* *Never wipe your tears if u still want to cry* *Never settle for the answer if u still want to know* *Never say u don't like him if u can't let him go*   
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"CHRISTMAS!" The loud shriek filled the dark hallway. Its six am Christmas morning, and I think one child has managed to wake up the other four this is just GREAT! I groan loudly and turn onto my side to face my VERY cute sleeping boyfriend. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me. "Morning." He salutes. I yawn and he smiles at me. God I love him. I should probably tell him that. "I love you." I mummer. He sits up in bed which makes me think something is very wrong. But as usual I am wrong. He leans down and showers me with kisses, I giggle uncontrollably. It is way to early for this. He stops when we hear thumping outside of our bedroom. He smiles, and the door slowly creaks open revealing five pyjama clad children. They bound in flicking on the light and jumping diligently onto our bed. "LETS OPEN PRESENTS!" Jeremy shrieks. His leg now in a walking cast. "What's going on in here?" A grumpy voice says from the hall. The kids giggle as Eric pushes the door open. "Presents!" Zachary exclaims.   
  
"Ok gang go get your grandparents, and uncle and meet us down stairs. Don't forget Kelly." Carter instructs. Kelly stayed with us over Christmas. She is part of our family, and her and Eric are sort of dating. The kids vacate the room and Carter leans down and softly kisses me.   
  
----------------------------------  
  
Love doesn't make the world   
  
go 'round, it just makes the   
  
ride worthwhile.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
"This ones for Logan." Carter says passing the gift to the eager youngster. The group of us sit around the tree. Maggie and Jack sit on one couch, Eric and Kelly in the chair, Carter is on the floor by the humongous tree with Lexie in his lap, I sit with Jeremy in my lap leaning up against the couch with Maggie on it.   
  
Logan tears at the paper. His face lights up when he sees a Nintendo system. He screams with joy. Carter and I both laugh. "I LOVE SANTA!" He exclaims gleefully.  
  
Everyone laughs. This is definitely not how I would have pictured my Christmases as a child. But its definitely what I want. My favourite people together unwrapping presents.  
  
"Mommy I want more eggnog." Jeremy whined. Carters father Jack hopped up from his spot on the couch to go out and get it. "I want a picture!" Carter shouted picking Lexie up and plopping her onto the couch. "I'll take it." Eric offered. Carter picked up the new digital camera he had bought me for Christmas and handed it to Eric. We all sit on the couch which was right next to the tree. Carter sat on the arm of the chair Zachary sitting on his knee and Logan sitting beside him with Carters arm draped over his shoulders. Lexie sat on my lap beside the couch, Jeremy was kneeling his arms around myself and Logan. Mason, the one who liked to be alone sat on the back of the couch next to Zac and John. "SAY CHEESE!"  
  
"CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE"  
  
---------------------------  
  
Love starts with a hug,   
  
grows with a kiss, and   
  
ends with a tear!  
  
----------------------------  
  
"I think this had to be the best Christmas ever." I smile. Carter and I are walking around the block with the kids. Our fingers are intertwined. We walk by the nicely lit houses, the snow is crunching underneath our feet, I have never loved that sound as much as I love it now. We watch as Logan and Zachary fall into the snow laughing. Jeremy wheels beside them with Lexie in his lap. Mason has weaseled his way onto his fathers shoulders. "This has to be my favourite moment right now. Well today in general actually." Carter blushes. I smile at him. "Are you guys going to kiss?" Mason laughs.  
  
"What's it you buddy?" Carter calls up to him jokingly.  
  
"EW, put me down daddy. I want to play." Carter hoisted to the boy from his shoulders and let him run wild. "Careful guys." I call.  
  
"Um- I was thinking, I um- I love you." He says pulling me closer to his body. "And if I remember correctly from this morning you love me!"  
  
"I didn't say that did I?" I tease.   
  
"Uh- I love you um- more then I ever loved any one before. And we have 5 of the greatest children together so..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. "Will you marry me?" He looked nervous. I looked up at him smiling. Pulling him down and kissing him passionately. "Of course." I could feel a little tear coming to my eye.   
  
"THERE KISSING!" Logan exclaimed giggling.  
  
"I'm going to get you...you runts." Carter said chasing after them gleefully. I followed tickling Jeremy. Yeah this is my dream! 


End file.
